gothchick666's Blog
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6/16/09 0 Commentslove is the worst way to die
love is the worst way to die. it takes your life in so many ways it can destroy your heart, your soul. it can destroy your relationships with a special someone or a really important person that you want to be that special someone. it can destroy you so much to the point that you're just a hollow shell like i am now. i just ruined my life with one text. i cant believe that i did it. i not to long ago told my best friend that iv known for forever n the guy that i love more than anything or anyone iv ever met that i would stop talkin to him to make him happy. iv now been cryin for the past 6 hours because first he didnt want to talk to me he was ignorin me so then i sent him that text n he still wont answer me or even say anythin about the text that i sent him n it tearin me up already i just want to literally rip my heart out so that it can match the pain of figuratively rippin it out by sendin that text now i have to go to school tomorrow and see him n its gonna kill me i dont wanna go but i have to i wanna shoot myself cause there's now way in hell that i can possibly go the entire day without saying something to him. i wish that i hadn't sent that text. i wish that i could be goodenough for him . . . . . . good enough for him to go out with me or even like me a fraction of what i feel for him. i wish that i wasnt so annoying to him or the almost every word out of my mouth didnt make him mad. i wish that i could understand his pain anf=d every thing that he's going throught even wen he doesnt tell me. i wish that i wasnt such a screw up like my failure of a father. i wish that i didnt act so much like him n screw up every good thing that iv evr had i hate him for it i really do i wish that i could just disappear right off the map. i hate it . . . . . . living the way that i do i wish that i could find a real friend and not annoy them the same way i do this guy i mean i dont mean to but i end up doin it anyway even wen i dont try to iv found the one and only person that made me feel like someone like i was needed or even wanted and then i annoy him without even tryin n i make him mad with every word that comes out of my mouth i wish i could stop doin that
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5/24/09 0 Commentslove issues
ok everyone says that love is eternal it lasts forever whether the person u feel it for is there or not. well i told this guy that i no i loved him n yea i really do but im startin 2 think he doesnt really care cause i said that i wanted 2 go back out with him ( i already went out wit him once b4) but he cant seem 2 figure out if he wants 2 go back out wit me so 4 some reason that love or like or watevr it is now is dwindling away n im startin 2 feel it 4 someone else i no n i dont no y. iv gotten 2 the point where im ready 2 tell him 2 4get it, the fact that i asked him out, just like i did wit someone else i asked out but i no if i do that ill b even more of a failure like my father n i dont wanna do that. i also no that if i do n i wanna go backout wit him n i ask him a 3rd time then he'll definately say no. the other person that im startin like more though is someone iv dated b4 2 n i wanna ask him out but i cant make up my mind about who i wanna go out wit now. i already told the one guy i love him n the other one im really tempted 2 ask him out cause i think that i love more than one person but one more than the other n im not sure which one i love more the 1st or the 2nd. then i have some one else that wants 2 ask me out n i have alot of problems like that but im only stuck on whether i should go wit the one guy i already said i love u 2 or the other guy who smokes n is really idk exactly but hes kinda just my type i think but im startin 2 think that i shuld go out wit the smoker since the other guy still wont give me a definate answer but since i got suspended from school 4 biting ill have alot of time on my hands 2 think but as for the smoker guy i love him 2 just as much as i love the 1st guy but i think i love the smoker more:)
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1/25/09 0 Commentsdecisions, decisions, decisions
well im thinkin bout goin out wit my ex but im not sure i should cause he broke up wit me for a really stupid reason in the first place so im not sure if i should do it. yea he's nice but he's too nice and other than that he messes wit me like makin fun of how short i am even though im 5'2 but then he hides my stuff in school and he acts really imature like all the time so im sort of havin a hard time decidin wat 2 do. a little bit ago i remembered wat one of like my best friends told me " things happen for a reason and if a fish gets away its probably cause ur meant 2 catch a tastier one " and that made me really happy. then again now that i think about it if i remembered something that i was told from like 3 months agothen maybe im not supposed 2 go back out wit him maybe i should just try 2 move on and forget about him but i dont no. maybe i still should so even though i still cant make a decision yet i do have a better out look on the situation which makes my decision a bit easier. some people think that i should go back out wit him and others think i should move on let me no wat u think. u never no ur opinion could help me out so just let me no and ill take every thing into consideration.
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1/2/09 0 Commentsstruggling to stay awake
well iv been trying to sort out my life and the ppl i wanna date not to successful iv been listening to atreyu non-stop for about 2 weeks now and ive been reading non-stop for just as long and i just finished the fourth book in the twilight saga and iv gone about a week and a half without sleep and im halucinating now so that's not a good sign. im just sane enough to read, walk sraight and type witout jumbling words any way feel free to luagh oops i meant laugh at me or be concerned or wat ever i wont care ill feel high for the next couple of days so it wont register in my mind so i wont no the difference. anyway have fun laughing !!!!!!
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10/21/08 0 Commentsconfussons of love and life
i have no clue what's goin on i love this guy i no im actually friends with him but now im really confused he says things that hurt me even though he doesn't no that he said it grant it we all do that at some point but any way i think that im starting to act weird in front of him my life is getting turned upside down and i no that i like went after him in my last blog and i didn't really mean that. anyway im tryin to figure out how to cope with not being able to be with him and hearin him talk bout bein with his girlfriend that he's with now. he likes me and all but u wouldn't be able to tell that from anything except for wat he says but i still love him and the day i had planned to tell him i was gonna go out wit him he started dating this other girl and since i didn't no that i was gonna wait til the next day which was a monday and since i didn't no about him and the other girl i didn't think that it would matter but apparently it did and i should have said something the day before, the saturday before he started dating her but i didn't think to do that so now im screwed, lonely and very, very depressed
